Undercover inside MAGA, and not allowed to leave

I have a secret life as an undercover agent inside the MAGA movement.

Unlike some of the well-known journalists who have risked their lives going inside neo-Nazi organizations or Trump rallies, my version is distinctly plebeian. I’m masquerading—or at least my phone is—as a run-of-the-mill MAGA supporter. For a blind, tree-hugging, mildly socialist Druid, that’s deep cover.

I’m an unwilling participant in this low-suspense spy drama. When I got a new phone line back in 2021, Verizon gave me a number that had previously belonged to a Trump supporter who had debt collectors out to get her and whose child played hooky enough to have the school calling. She apparently had an Oregon number but then moved to Arizona.

Verizon has refused to change the caller ID for the past five years, so I still show up on caller IDs as either Jillian or Corbet. My mother has learned to pick up when Corbet calls. I can’t use the Safeway app because it will not let me change the name or email associated with the phone number. (I still have it set to Jillian’s account, though I emailed her and told her to take her credit card info off of that account after I discovered it on there.) For a visually impaired person who can’t drive, grocery delivery and pickup would sure be nice. Thanks to Verizon, I’m permanently locked out of both.

Hand-lettered signs reading “Vote for your lives!” and “Vote for a healthy democracy” held up on a sidewalk under autumn trees – image by Arie Farnam

I’m not sure if Jillian and Corbet are partners or even family members. But they both get three or four texts each day from Trump, addressing each by name.

He’s desperate to get in touch.

That’s my main takeaway as an involuntary mole within the MAGA movement. Trump is on his knees and willing to do just about anything, including constantly changing the phone numbers his campaign uses and ignoring any and all unsubscribe messages.

Most of the texts go something like this: “Jillian, have I lost you?” or “Corbet, this is your president. I have a personal mission for you as a true patriot.” He’s briefing the wrong agent.

All of them include a sketchy link. My inner investigative reporter wants to try it, but I’m not committed enough to espionage to risk my phone turning into a bomb.

The campaign knows they moved to Arizona, because a lot of the messages plead with them to vote for this or that Republican candidate in that state or in a specific town, which I won’t name, because a good mole doesn’t out her assets.

I just want out myself. For all I know, Jillian and Corbet want out too by now. But none of us have a choice.

I’ve blocked hundreds of MAGA, Trump, and Turning Point USA numbers. I delete, report, and block texts and their numbers several times each day. When I get calls from an unknown number, I mute the phone and let the AI voices ramble on until they give up, rather than letting it go to voicemail or hanging up (and thus outing myself as human).

No matter. I’m in like Flynn. The MAGA movement is so afraid of losing followers, they hang on to spies with all their might. Sure, I tried unsubscribing or actually telling them to take me off the list, back in the naive days of 2024. That only doubled their volume. I know better now. Best to try for a “dead-air phone number, probably defunct” label on spammer lists.

Screenshot by arie farnam.

In the meantime, the pleas get stranger. “Protect our children and women’s sports! I can’t do this without you.” And cryptically, “One person. 10 ballots, every day. Here’s the math.” Is he exhorting them to steal ballots, or trying to build a case that the election is being stolen from him?

One way or another, he’s determined that the election will be rigged. If someone else doesn’t do it, he will.

I am approximately the 32,495,248th person to assert that MAGA is a cult, so I’m not going to insist this is some kind of news flash. But I would like to note that one of the classic symptoms of cult behavior is “refusal to allow followers to leave.” (I have rarely heard of a cult that won’t even allow non-followers to leave.)

I do want my phone back. Truly. But more importantly, I know we have to take our country back from this cult or virus or whatever it is that has hijacked the nation.

No smug feelings of certainty. No excuses about “my vote doesn’t really matter,” or “they’ll just rig it anyway,” or “it’s in the bag, so I don’t need to stand in line.” If they care this much about forcing a message down the throats of Jillian, Corbet, and anyone who has their phone number, they care what we do with our votes.

Vote for your lives.