Open letter to the disability advocacy movement

I am writing here as one of the poster children of this movement, as a person who truly owes my chance at even the most basic education to the movement. In April 1977, when I was exactly one year old, a group of disability rights activists occupied the federal building in San Francisco for 26 days with minimal food and supplies (and what they had was donated by the Black Panther Party).

The direct result of that protest was the implementation of Section 504, the foundational document of civil rights for people with disabilities in the United States, including the right to attend public school which was not at all assured for blind students, like me, at the time. (See the documentary Crip Camp on Netflix for further info.)

I am writing to those who carry on that tradition in myriad capacities—activists, advocates, teachers, lobbyists, policy makers and everyone else still working hard for the civil rights and equity of people with all kinds of disabilities. I write with overwhelming love and gratitude. And I also write with concern and to raise a flag of caution.

Image of a camp fire and sunset from my solo backpacking trip in the blue mountains of eastern oregon - photo by arie farnam

We have come to a time in this movement where we must be very conscious of what we are doing and who we may inadvertently exclude or abandon. This movement was founded on ideals of radical equality. We are for all people with disabilities and no one is too disabled to be outside our concern.

When I entered school in 1982 in a tiny rural town in Eastern Oregon, I entered a school that had still never served a child with a visible disability, and they didn’t want any. It was a small rural school without great resources and this seemed like a lot of extra work.

But Section 504 was law by then and unwilling and unfriendly as the school administration might have been, I went to school. All through the ‘80s, I fought “the good fight.” And when I say I was a poster child, this is literal. There were several disability rights posters with a photo of me in a tie-dyed shirt and giant glasses peering avidly at a computer screen at a distance of one inch. I knew about them and I approved. I wanted to be included everywhere. I subscribed to the demand for universal integration and the belief that people with disabilities could do anything anywhere.

In 1990, the ADA opened up more opportunities for me and I pressed every advantage, went to college and graduated suma cum laude. I was determined to “show them” (i.e. those who hadn’t wanted me in elementary school and anyone else with an ableist tendency). I was loud and proud. I would just barely admit that I wasn’t going to be a pro-basketball player or a jet pilot, but that was about it for concessions. Instead, I decided to become an international newspaper correspondent and spent several years tramping around war zones while neglecting to mention to my employers that I was legally blind.

I have written incessantly on this blog about the social exclusion that people with disabilities so often face. And this month I started taking a course to help me become a more effective parent advocate for my kids, who both have developmental disabilities. From poster child to foot soldier, this is my movement.

But becoming the adoptive parent of kids with Fetal Alcohol Spectrum disorders has shaken some of the fundamental slogans of that movement for me, slogans like “integration first” and “dignity means the freedom to take risks” and “self-determination at all cost.”

Those things were important to me as a visually impaired student and dare-devil young adult. So what’s the problem?

The problem is that each disability affects a very specific part of a body. Mine affects my eyes. It is ableism then to restrict activities that rely on or can rely on other parts of my body. It would be unacceptable to restrict me from being a parent, because of fears that I might not “see” my toddler swallowing an object and choking. Blind parents keep their toddlers safe by both carefully cleaning and listening with specific attention. There is nothing that says parenting is primarily about seeing.

It’s a different matter though when it comes to driving. Driving does rely very heavily on seeing and so far we don’t have an alternative that makes it safe for a blind person. So, that is specifically and legally denied to us and that, in my view, isn’t ableism, even though I expect people with my level of vision impairment to exercise good judgement and stay the hell away from steering wheels without being legally forced to. So, essentially, I’m okay with that law.

Now, let’s take another example, Let’s say a person with ADD wants to be an air traffic controller and they have the training and otherwise qualify. There are some pretty hairy attention and focus acuity tests you have to pass to do that job. Should people with ADD be legally barred?

No, there’s already a test. Some people with ADD may not be able to focus in the way needed for air traffic control. Others may actually be better at spreading attention across the entire field and thus ensuring they don’t miss peripheral input that could be essential. They should take a test that simulates the actual requirements of the job, like everyone else, and be hired or not based on that, not based on their disability.

I’d even be willing to adopt this standard for vision and driving. What if you just had to take an exacting simulation driving test that included poor light situations, sketchy traffic and small children running out into the road, instead of being qualified or disqualified based on your ability to read a chart in an office? Maybe a good idea! (But I’m still going to flunk either way.)

Most disability advocates ought to be on the same page with me so far. But there are underlying assumptions in the disability rights movement that were so deeply engrained in my thinking that they took years and incredible pain to extract.

We often assume that only certain human faculties can be a legitimate disability. Everyone, regardless of disability, can strive and work hard. Everyone, regardless of disability, can make their own decisions and exercise self-determination. Everyone, regardless of disability, does better with more information and chances to learn. Even, everyone, regardless of disability, is better off when fully integrated with able-bodied peers.

I used to believe these things with fervor. I still wish they were true. But they are not true for everyone.

It’s relatively easy for people to understand that any part or capacity of our physical body can be disabled. But it’s harder for people to grasp the complexity of brain-based disabilities.

Most of us have learned that dyslexia is a very specific thing that affects a person’s ability to process written words. It often has a few other side effects, but we get that a person can be dyslexic and struggle terribly with reading and still be extremely smart and capable in other mental areas. My husband and my brother are both dyslexic and both are college grads and very possibly smarter than me.

ADD is harder for non-experts to grasp, but the diagnosis has become so prevalent that I’m betting you can accept that ADD and ADHD affect very specific parts of the brain that govern attention and focus. Again, different people may have a variety of side effects along with that central effect, but people with these brain differences actually score higher on average on standard intelligence tests than the norm. It’s a disability that is located in the brain but it does not make a person unintelligent any more than my vision impairment renders me completely physically incapable.

BUT (and this is a really tricky “but") brain science has progressed far enough for us to understand that there are specific parts of the brain and brain faculties for everything we do and for every human quality. Importantly in this case, there is a part of the brain governing what are called “executive functions.” This is essentially the control center of the brain and it is essential for making decisions, understanding logic, time, and cause and effect, regulating impulses, emotions, desires and everything else the brain does, and even driving the ability to get motivated, prioritize or cope with frustration.

We are used to thinking of these things as “moral” issues. A person either makes good decisions, shows up on time, controls their anger and momentary desires, makes an effort, shows motivation and swallows frustration or they just deserve what they’ve got coming, which is nothing good from us or from society.

A person with profound developmental disability may have some disability in making decisions but generally not beyond the rest of their mental abilities. As a result, even though they have difficulty making decisions, their general cognitive difficulties are obvious to themselves and others. Hopefully, we accommodate them and they are able to realize their limits and accept help with decisions (like whether or not to rent an expensive apartment), much the way I accept that I can’t drive.

You know who doesn’t have the kind of good judgement about whether or not they can make a decision without help that most developmentally disabled people have? Drunk people. Yup, that’s right. Alcohol attacks this very specific part of the brain, the center for executive functioning. More than any other drug, this is where it strikes.

Now, before you get up in arms about how drunks don’t deserve a level of social protection that would divide the disability rights movement, let me remind you that there is a group of people, a very large group in fact, that suffers from the disabling effects of alcohol permanently and without ever taking a drink—babies born to mothers who drank while their were pregnant.

It is no surprise really that, if alcohol disrupts inhibitions and decision making, lowers cognitive abilities, regulation, motivation and responsibility levels in a person who drinks it, it will also attack those same parts of the brain in a fetus. As we’ve all been told at some point, there is no safe amount of alcohol in pregnancy. While more alcohol generally creates worse effects, it depends on when exactly in the development of the fetus it happens and likely on many other factors.

To be clear, I am talking about just one specific disability. But it is a disability that according to neurologists affects 1 in 20 people in the United States. It is more common than autism and at least as disruptive to daily life. It is also much harder to correctly diagnose and accommodate.

Many people with Fetal Alcohol Spectrum disorders (FASDs) throughout history have been written off by their families, communities and society at large as unmotivated, lazy, uncaring and immoral, because society misunderstands that their lack of regulation and the disruption in basic logical concepts is a disability, not a choice.

An example came up in the disability advocacy class I’m taking. The instructor repeated our movement’s call for self-determination of all young adults with disabilities. Everyone deserves to make decisions for themselves and most decisions worth making involve a certain amount of risk. “The freedom to take risks” is a popular buzz term in disability advocacy.

Several parents, myself included, raised concerns, however, explaining that policies our movement is pushing at state and national levels are directly harming people with FASD because they do not take into account the diversity of needs. A one-slogan-fits-all approach will abandon these vulnerable members of our community to the prisons and homeless encampments where far too many FASD adults end up because our society judges their disability as moral failings or lack of effort.

When parents of teens with prenatal exposure raised this concerns in class, the instructors shot down each one, dismissing the concern as “overprotective.”

I know the scourge of overprotectiveness has hounded people with disabilities for far too long. Much of my success and independence as a legally blind person is the result of my parents’ very liberal parenting in a natural environment where I was allowed to “run wild” with sighted kids. It is also the result of all those years of “passing” for sighted as a young adult and thus avoiding many other potential protective barriers. I met other visually impaired kids at summer camps when I was a teenager and was shocked to find that many who could technically see better than me couldn’t walk on slightly uneven ground unaided or cross quiet streets or climb trees.

These are examples of risks that many parents want to protect a blind child from, fearing that we cannot see the dangers. But blind people with full executive functions know their own limits better than anyone else. It isn’t the seeing that is most important in this risk taking, it’s the assessment of limits and testing of cause and effect. I didn’t rush out and jump off a cliff when I was a kid, even though there were several handy. I explored at my own pace. I learned to throw pebbles ahead of me to test the ground, since using a stick on such uneven ground as our mountain backyard wasn’t feasible. I remembered keenly every rock and hollow and hole in the meadows and every tree and fallen log in the woods. That was how I ran free as a kid and it taught me skills that translated into adult independence.

But my disability was in seeing. My children’s disabilities are in exactly the tools needed to take measured risks. They cannot test cause and effect and gain from it. They cannot explore and then predict. They cannot remember past mistakes and avoid pitfalls the next time. They can improve a little in this with development, but not through “effort,” any more than I can try harder to see.

I’ve been criticized by disability advocates for saying things like this and accused of insulting my children. This is like saying it is an insult to a blind person to insist that it is not appropriate to hold up a printed sign they can’t see. My kids have all kinds of gifts—in social interaction, in athletics, in fashion sense, in just working hard at tasks others might find too boring. But just as I cannot receive information through sight very well as a legally blind person, there are channels that are disabled for them.

Those are partly sensory and partly cognitive, but they are precisely the channels our society leans on most heavily by forcing people to make hundreds of snap decisions each day, deal with contradictory stimuli intended to trick people into impulsive behavior, always consider the long-term effect of our actions and navigate attempts at manipulation and exploitation.

Upon moving to our small town two years ago, my son was picked out as “an easy mark” by a local drug gang within a few short months. The ringleader intuitively understood that this twelve-year-old couldn’t foresee consequences. He gave him candy and compliments, and then asked him to carry packages for the gang. My son was talked into taking hundreds of dollars in cash and distributing it to “friends” at school. He didn’t make decisions in order to end up in these situations. He responded to social interactions and the predictable dangers were not apparent to him. He could not look at the possible implications or resist the temptation of immediate inputs and his strong desire to be accepted. As hard as it may be for others to swallow, these faculties are the core of his disability.

When my children become young adults, the disability rights movement as it stands today would have them decide whether or not they want a parent or guardian involved in their decisions or whether or not they want medical care or developmental disability services. They respond to momentary feelings of comfort and discomfort, rather than long-range cause and effect and they cannot conceptualize either time or the implications of decisions. A young adult with FASD may have a true long-term desire to be employed and live independently, but when it comes time to leave for work, being able to recognize the time and overcome the momentary unpleasantness of getting up early both directly challenge their disability.

An adult with FASD can be misled, defrauded, exploited, made homeless and left with out health care far too easily in our society, especially when our movement insists that each person is able to make their own decisions and spur of the moment decisions are considered definitive.

At thirteen, my son is caught up in the disability services system, which by state regulation in Oregon, insists that he should have sole decision-making power with regards to his finances. At thirteen.

Okay, you may say that’s not so bad, since he doesn’t have a lot of money and I should be the one saving for his future. That’s fine. I’m not even concerned about some serious savings plan. But he talks regularly about wanting to buy a toy drone and fly fishing equipment. These are real interests. He saves his money and works hard to plan for these things. But when he enters a store with one of the disability workers who often take him places, the rules say he can buy whatever strikes his fancy and they have a card with his money on it. And because his disability affects impulsiveness, time sense, number sense and cause and effect, he cannot conceptualize the cost to his long-term goals of buying every shiny trinket or junk food marketed to tap into his impulses.

The rules say that the disability services worker can discuss the purchase with him and remind him of his plan to save, but they have to help him spend his saved money on impulse buys if he insists on it. And he generally does because his brain lives in the moment.

To be frank, I wouldn’t do this to ANY thirteen-year-old, but so much less to a thirteen-year-old with this type of disability, and yet this is one of the rules that the disability advocacy movement has “succeeded” in forcing into state regulations. While a parent has decision-making power when it comes to the finances of most youth, I have no say in my son’s case because his developmental disability puts him in a category where “self-determination at all cost” is the law.

Even more disturbing is the Oregon law that now states that children as young as fourteen can make their own medical decisions, including refusing medical care. At the age of sixteen, they can make all health care decisions for themselves and keep these secret from their parent or guardian. There is no accommodation for children with developmental disabilities in this law, and the disability advocacy movement continues to push for ever heavier burdens of decision-making to be placed on the most vulnerable children.

My daughter is approaching the age of fifteen. She has medication that helps her to function enough to attend school most of the time and to live in a family environment safely. But the effects of the medication take days or even weeks to differentiate. These time intervals are far beyond her grasp. She can only decide to take medication or undergo other medical care based on her momentary experience of it. And a lot of medical care isn’t fun in the moment.

My daughter doesn’t yet realize that it is possible to tell a doctor “no,” so we just do what doctors recommend. But like many individuals with FASD, she has a strong aversion to authority and particularly parental authority. Given the emphasis by the disability advocacy movement on educating developmentally disabled youth about their right to refuse parental authority, she will learn soon. Neither of my children will choose help from parents or guardians now or in the foreseeable future. And the decisions they make on the spur of the moment are not in their true interests or even their real desires. They are the symptoms of the disability.

I want my children to be able to be independent. I want them to make their own plans and have goals and dreams. They do have these, and as best I can, for the moment, I protect their clearly stated plans, goals and dreams from the impulsive symptoms of their disability and from the bewildering, manipulative and exploitative corners of society.

One of the things often said by medical experts in FASD is that if someone wants to help a person with FASD, they must provide “a surrogate frontal lobe.” And this is what I attempt to do. When I’m saving for necessities or long-held desires, and I see something attractive that I keenly wish I could buy, my brain’s executive functioning center says “no.” When I feel great reluctance to undergo dental work, my brain’s executive functioning center in the frontal lobe makes me do it anyway.

My children can’t and aren’t medically expected to be able to do that for themselves. It is no different from me not being able to see. To throw them to the wolves of our society where one’s executive functions are often the only protection, is no different than putting. me behind the wheel of a car on a six-lane freeway.

I’m not likely to be chosen to coin slogans for the disability advocacy movement But I hope that we can remember our roots in radical equity as envisioned by the pioneers of our movement in 1977. They embraced disability as a fact and an identity. They asked accessibility and to seen as more than just their disability. They did not ask for their specific disabilities to be ignored or dismissed as irrelevant. All of that still applies today, and neuroscience backs it up.

Disability can affect any part of the human body or brain. Each person with a disability is different and is still a person with value. We ask that our lives, health, safety, access, inclusion, freedom and prosperity be as important as anyone else’s. We ask that when society has set things up for a certain type of person and that set up threatens the life, health, safety, access, inclusion, freedom or property of an individual that society makes changes to protect the individual’s rights. That’s it in a nutshell, ins’t it.

We have differentiated between equality and equity in our movement. Equality is saying everyone is allowed to use the steps and come into the building. Equity is making sure everyone has realistic access. Equality is saying “every person should make their own decisions in a manipulative and exploitative world and they can choose to get help or not.” Equity would be saying, “every person should have the support they need to truly make their own decisions.”

Parents, guardians and helpers of people with FASD are not being “overprotective” when we say that these individuals need real and definitive help with decision-making and risk taking. We are recognizing their specific disabilities and attempting to honor the decisions, desires and goals they express at times when their disability is not being directly challenged by stimuli they can’t process. We need the disability advocacy movement to acknowledge this disability for what it is and stand with our children. Insisting on slogans that harm the most vulnerable, because they sound good and work for most of us has already caused harm and it will continue to, if we don’t change course.

A giant movement is like a massive ship. Turning something this big wont’t be easy. But we can adapt, as we always have, to ensure that none of us are sacrificed for rhetoric.

Open letter to Trever Noah about the word "spaz."

Dear Trevor Noah,

I’m sure I’m probably not alone in telling you that your show is a balm for me, a respite from a despairing world and a healing draught of laughter in the face of things that hurt too much.

I’ve got two kids who I adopted from traumatizing orphanages in the Czech Republic. They were kids the authorities told me “no one would adopt” because they are from a despised, non-white ethnic group—the Roma.

We spent the first ten years of their lives living there in the Czech Republic. 2008, the year before my daughter was born, was the first year when Romani children were allowed to go to standard Czech schools. By the time she went to first grade, I didn’t need a lawyer or a police escort to get her into school, but it was nip and tuck there for a while.

My son’s preschool attempted to expel him when he developed a minor allergic skin rash, because he was non-white and their assumption was that he was diseased and contagious. They would have succeeded too, if his pediatrician hadn’t been progressive and feisty. That was in 2015.

I tell you this, because you need to know that I’ve seen a few things. I’m a white American, but I’m not exactly your typical white American. I’ve had “the talk” with my kids, ages eleven and thirteen, about police and brown people. I learned how to do it by reading Black authors, listening to you and talking to my Nigerian friend in Prague, who was distressed when I said we were moving back to the US to escape the rampant racism and the beatings my son was enduring at school.

“You’re going THERE to escape racism?”

I grew up in the US—in a particularly backward and monotone part of it, in fact. I have few illusions about things here. I told her that she was absolutely right. That we probably wouldn’t be going, if my children were Black. But they aren’t Black. They’re Romani, and the realities on the ground are such, that it’s safer here for them than there. She agreed that that was the best a parent could do.

Image of a dark-haired man drawing a picture of a female figurine with his toes.

Before I had kids, I lived and travelled in more than 35 countries, including several months in Zimbabwe near your homeland. I spent ten years working as a journalist, primarily exposing the quiet but lethal racism against Roma in Central and Eastern Europe. That’s my history, which I think may give you some perspective on what I need to say to you.

I am also pretty anti-celebrity. I’ve never really cared about a celebrity who was alive before, since the last one I liked at all was Bob Marley and I was five when he died. I know famous people have the same feelings and foibles the rest of us do. And so, it isn’t so much that you fell as a giant for me when you dismissed the concerns of people with disabilities. It is that I felt like I was betrayed by a friend.

That’s silly, I know. You don’t know me, but I don’t watch any TV, except for you. I listen to audio books or listen to international news. I watch Netflix on a tablet occasionally. But TV? Nope, except you when I exercise every morning, there’s nothing on there I care to see. And as I said, your ability to laugh in the face of the worst depredations of our world is really and truly medicine.

And I know that it is always only a matter of time before anyone, even the best friend, has a different opinion. That’s not the point. I have disagreed with you several times. No sweat. I don’t even entirely remember what the fine points were. This is different, because it strikes at the core of who you are. It is something that betrays all the work of bridging divides and empowering the disempowered and fostering empathy that you’ve done.

Yup, it’s about Lizzo. Now, I don’t know LIzzo very well. My daughter listens to her. I think I recall her listening to a song with the word “spaz” in it at one point. I noticed and mentioned it to her, explained that it’s a derogatory word that we don’t use in our house, because it is used as an insult against people with disabilities. We had the whole discussion about how it means something quite different in this music. I didn’t know for sure but guessed, even at that point, that its meaning might be significantly different in African American culture than it is for most of the country.

I wasn’t that mad. I didn’t forbid my daughter to listen to that music. It’s far from the only “bad word” I don’t want my kids repeating at school that they encounter in popular music. And no, just talking to my daughter about it, didn’t fix it. My daughter is developmentally disabled, essentially due to the horrific conditions Romani children endure in the Czech Republic. She has talents but she was injured by that system and part of that injury is neurological damage that interferes with her ability to understand abstract concepts, remember conversations or connect cause and effect.

So, I talk about these things with her, but she may well repeat the word “spaz” anyway. She’ll certainly hear it used as an insult against disabled children at school, maybe even against herself, though she works very hard to blend in and pass for average.

And that’s the thing, Trevor. I’m not mad at Lizzo. What she did was something that happens. Yes, I understand the argument that she was a bit dismissive about apologizing and changing the song with “spaz” in the lyrics, but as you said, she changed it. That is such a big step in the right direction, it’s worth recognizing.

People with disabilities have largely been left out of the “woke” wave to shield under-privileged groups from microaggressions. So many people would have completely ignored criticism over “spaz” or any other word insulting people with disabilities. You sound like you would have. Lizzo didn’t ignore us, and I’m not too picky beyond that.

If I was someone close enough to her to have a conversation, I might have said, “Please, stop on that a moment. Take a moment to empathize. It isn’t just about avoiding being publicly criticized. It really does hurt people, just like some words would hurt you.” But that’’s it. The basic thing was, she did what was needed. She apologized and changed the song.

Here are two other bits about my background, Trevor. I am a linguist by education, so when I say I’m looking at this not just from experience but also from a language development standpoint, there’s that. I am also blind—that is legally blind. I see about 5 percent of what you do. It’s not noting but it’s pretty minimal. I’ve been that way since I was born. Yup, I’m the same person who worked as an international journalist and hung out in Mugabe’s Zimbabwe as a lone white girl. I was also blind while I did that.

Here are some facts, you need to know about the word “spaz.”

  1. I was called “spaz” as an insult every day for over a decade as a child, in the United States. It isn’t only a derogatory term in the UK and Australia, as you insisted repeatedly on television. It was and still is used as a vulgar insult in this country. You claimed it isn’t and was never used that way in the US. That was factually wrong and I hope you’ll retract it publicly.

  2. I have noticed the linguistic migration of the word “spaz'“ over the past couple of decades. As I’m sure you’ve read, it started as “spastic,” relating to a type of muscle convulsion or cramp suffered by people with some disabilities, but it has been used to insult all people with disabilities, including blind people.

  3. When Donald Trump made that motion with his arm at the reporter who was disabled, that was the motion that usually accompanies the word “spaz.” That gesture also refers to a “spastic” muscle contraction. People with spastic disabilities sometimes move their arms that way involuntarily. Donald Trump is obviously in the United States—not the UK or Australia. And that was not very long ago. Donald, as you’ve pointed out, doesn’t have a great memory and wouldn’t have remembered if this word was only used as an insult decades earlier or in another country. The fact that he used it is pretty good proof that it is a conventional American insult.

  4. About fifteen years ago, I first heard people start to refer to “spaz” as just meaning “crazy” and overly emotional. It had migrated from just disabilities, to mental illness, and like the word “crazy” to behavior that is considered a bit too much. It then migrated further in some communities to mean something less negative as acceptance of “wild” behavior became more widespread.

  5. But it is still used as an insult, NOT just in other countries. Here and now. And despite having a migrated and coopted meaning, I am sure you are aware that many other insulting epithets have undergone similar linguistic migration and we don’t excuse them. It is hard to imagine that with your American staff you weren't;t told the truth. There’s a word for knowingly obfuscating the truth and insisting that our lived experience is not real—gaslighting.

  6. As an example, please try asking Siri (or Google) the definition of the word “Jip.” I believe you’re well-educated enough to know the connotations of that word and would never use it. But Siri says the origins of that word are “unknown.” While even Siri—and certainly a dictionary—would have told Lizzo the connotations of “spaz” had she checked, an uneducated person could not be blamed too much for using the word “Jip,” since looking it up isn’t very helpful. Yet that word is abhorrent and rightly shunned in woke circles. It is a racial epithet aimed directly at my children. But it’s used here in rural Oregon. I used it as a kid, until I learned better. Gip = Gyp = Gypsy = stereotypes about Roma being thieves. Words migrate linguistically, but that does not mean we give them a pass when they are still currently used as insults and derogatory epithets.

Here are some things, I am betting are true about you, Trevor:

  1. I cannot imagine that under any other circumstances, you would deem it acceptable to use a word that is still used as an insult against a vulnerable group, if that group was a race, ethnic group, culture or LGBT+ group.

  2. I feel very sure you have been told by people with disabilities whether in online comments or hopefully in person, that “spaz” is still used as an insult, including in the US. I wonder if you were told that before you went on the air dismissing us as people with valid concerns or only after.

  3. I feel pretty confident that I’ve heard you say that it should be up to the given vulnerable group to say when a derogatory term used against them is “fair game” again. But you aren’t giving people with disabilities that agency.

  4. You decided to state on your show and at great length with repetition, that Lizzo never did anything wrong. You criticized and condemned those members of the disability community who asked for an apology and a change to Lizzo’s song. That using the word “spaz” was legitimate in her circumstances because you believe “spaz” is only derogatory in the UK and Australia.

  5. You have a diverse crew. I guarantee some of your staff know very well that that your statement is blatantly untrue. Either they told you that and you ignored them, or they are so afraid of crossing you, that you have got much worse problems than marginalizing people with disabilities.

Trevor, here’s the thing. Lizzo goofed. But it was understandable. We don’t check every word we use for its connotations in the next neighborhood over. It’s possible that in her subculture, “spaz” really hasn’t been used as an insult in her generation. She was told, and she fixed it.

Some people apparently weren’t happy with her quick and unreflective turnaround, feeling that she was only doing it to avoid criticism. That’s what I saw you get upset about. I’ve noticed that you often seem to feel protective toward the African American community. Nobody’s perfect and every time the Black community in the US makes a mistake, they get just as little leeway as a Black teenage male committing the usual sins that white teenagers regularly get away with. I get it.

But you went a step further and a step too far. You insisted at length that the facts are not the facts. You gaslighted us, telling us that what we know is reality isn’t reality. And you did it because the group you were dismissing is the one group you have never included in your work of bridging divides. I wonder if it is only that you have little experience with people with disabilities.

I have always loved your work because of all the good things in it. I have vaguely noticed that you never include anything about people with disabilities, but I didn’t realize, until now that this is a real blind spot for you. (No, that’s not a problematic term for me. It isn’t used as an derogatory term against blind people.)

Frankly, it isn’t just you. The woke movement is often dismissive of one particular group they should naturally be allied with, and that is people with disabilities. Sometimes we’re included as an afterthought but often we’re left out entirely, as we’ve been left out of your work in bridging divides and making healing out of humor.

Maybe for you that’s partly because people shy away from making fun of anything to do with disabilities. I guarantee I could introduce you to some people who can get you rolling on the ground laughing about disability issues. We are sometimes a bit too much, but I’m sure some of our self-styled “gimp humor” could be made accessible to the rest of the world.

Trevor, you said people often get mad at a celebrity who does something that hurts them and that’s it. They’re done. That’s cancel culture. That’s not my way. I mean, maybe if I heard someone I respected and admired had bragged about grabbing women by the pussy. I guess, I’d probably actually boycott them immediately. But this isn’t like that.

I notoriously can’t hold a grudge. But I haven’t been able to watch your show for the past month. I thought I’d just get over it, but it hurts. When I see you going on without any concern for the hurt this caused and when I saw that it is virtually impossible to send you a letter you will actually get, I can’t listen to your voice without hearing that jeering, derogatory insult against me and my kids.

But I don’t want to give up on you. You’re one of the best we have and I think you can see past this prejudice and accept people with disabilities as part of the communities. you fight for. I’m hoping that enough people will tell you that your dismissal and gaslighting of us hurt and that you’ll listen. Because while I know you’re human, so you can have prejudices and blind spots like the rest of us, I think you—like me—have seen a lot in your life. And that kind of experience gives us the ability to stretch and grow past those prejudices.

So, I still hope that some day I’ll see you retract the untruths about the word “spaz” and affirm that people with disabilities are valid, that insults against us are not okay, that musicians can and should be aware of that in their language, and that Lizzo did the right thing after being justifiably criticized.

But because I do believe in your talent for healing divides, I also hope against hope that you’ll be one of the first to break through the lockout of people with disabilities from the woke movement. I think you’ve got it in you, and when you can laugh at the social systems that cause the vast majority of difficulty that people with disabilities face (the actual physical or neurological problems are minor by comparison), you’ll discover a whole new area of healing humor.

Your voice is strong right now, very strong across this country and especially in progressive communities. I believe that if you are introspective and real and honest enough to look back at that thing with LIzzo and admit you were wrong and that your words hurt people, it would matter a great deal. It could be the moment that turns the tide and makes the woke movement fully inclusive.