I’ve got kids ages nine and eleven. That means they are at that age when concrete thinking gives way to more abstract concepts.

“Do your chores and homework, if you want video games” is still a house rule, but, “Why can’t I hit her, when she whispers insults in my ear every few minutes, so that no grown-ups can hear? And if I can’t hit or tattle, what can I do?” becomes a much bigger issue in which the first-grade response of, “Just ignore her!” no longer entirely serves.

Life has also become very physically and psychologically hard for my family. Even before COVID-19. life was a daily struggle. If you haven’t picked up why from my blogs, it’s a bit much to explain briefly—a combination of physical and neurological disabilities, community isolation due to prejudice and a generalized toxic culture, as well as living on very modest means.

I have lived in extraordinarily diverse environments during my life, from the heights of privilege to mud and stick huts. And I’ve noted that ethical questions are a lot easier when the next meal is assured and human contact is available.

If you have enough to feed your children and you aren’t socially outcast, “Don’t steal” is a pretty clear moral rule. If not, it is far from simple.

The same goes for more complex concepts. If you are socially strong, able-bodied, included and psychologically solid, “Just ignore her!” does make good sense. If you’re chronically excluded or significantly under-privileged, if the insidious insults come in a constant stream and you can’t just leave for whatever reason, it starts to come down to your overall code of ethics.

With my kids these days, I too often find myself yelling—emphasizing every word, “Treat! Others! As! You! Would! Like! To! Be! Treated!”

Those who haven’t been to my house will be smiling knowingly and wagging a finger at me. Ah, but didn’t I just break that rule myself?

Not really. If I was behaving in such a way (and I did to some extent as a child), this is the response I would most like to have. At least it is the best one I know of. Emphasis does help when attention is chronically scattered.

I am glad my parents and community taught me ethical values, despite the struggle.

I would not want a parent who ignored and let the sneakiest, most mean-spirited kid’s actions stand. I would want a parent who said if five times calmly, but then eventually laid down the law with emphasis. I would want that message which is simplistic but as close to complex as a one-sentence moral code gets.

“But it’s Christian. And you’re not a Christian!,” some readers will now be chortling. When you boil your code of ethics down to its most basic form, what you get is a Christian phrase. Isn’t that a sign that you might not be on the right path?

First, we think of this Golden Rule as Christian in our society, but the truth is that some version of it is at the heart of the vast majority of human moral systems, Buddhist, Jewish, Muslim, Hindu and so forth. One exception is the core principle of Wicca, the Wiccan Rede: ""An [if] it harm none, do what ye will."

It sounds ancient, but it only dates to the mid 20th century at the earliest. And it tries to wash its hands of ethics with a fairly flippant assertion that a person should be able to do whatever they want, as long as it harms no one else.

My fundamentally animist response is “How do they define a person?” and quick on the heels of that comes “How do they define harm?”

The Rede is the most basic reason I have never actually tried out Wicca, though I dabble around the edges a lot. On the one hand the Rede is too constrictive. If I take the “harm none” statement to mean no living being or spirit may be harmed, all action becomes paralyzed. I can’t walk or eat or do much of anything without harming some being I consider to be alive and possessed of a spirit.

But interpreted more loosely it provides almost no guidance whatsoever. If you restrict the meaning only to people, you are allowed to harm everything else with abandon. If you restrict the “harm” only to intentional harm, you are allowed to be negligent and oblivious to a murderous degree. Any attempt to argue that there is some natural nuance in the Rede is merely personal interpretation and embelishment, not a moral code that can be taught to a constantly testing child.

On the other hand, the “treat others as you would want to be treated” rule provides a much more practical teaching from the perspective of a harried mother. The kid can insist that they’d be fine with that treatment, but generally they know it isn’t true.

There are occasional situations where they might truly believe they would like the treatment, such as when playing loud music that is disturbing someone else. They might believe they would like someone else to play loud music near them. But it is not nearly such a stretch to teach children that it is the respect for the needs of the other person that we mean in the rule, rather than the specifics of the situation.

It isn’t that you put on loud music for others because you would like it. It is the consideration of how you would like others to behave toward you, if you were being disturbed by something they were doing? There is no way out of it as a functional rule.

Therefore, I’m fine with the Golden Rule as a basis for teaching kids how to navigate ethical and moral issues. I don’t call it “the Golden Rule” because that does seem to be a Christian term. But as a most basic backstop, it works.

It is still too general though. It works for close-up human relationships because we understand what the other person is experiencing with our loud music. Even if I like loud music, I can relate it to a time that another person kept turning the lights on and off for fun and that was disturbing to me.

It works less well for global concerns or coexistence with non-human lives. We don’t always know enough to understand how we we are treating others in these situations.

And there are times when we simply cannot treat all others the way we would like to be treated. I would not like to be eaten, but I eat carrots. Moreover, what I do affects future generations in ways that I can’t really compare to myself.

So, while “treat others the way you want to be treated” works reasonably well for my kids. It isn’t actually enough in the long run.

And with the expansion of the one-sentence rule, Christianity fails for me. The Ten Commandments come across like a very incomplete and oddly obsessive section of a law book.

“Don’t murder.” “Don’t steal.” “Don’t tell lies about your neighbors.” Those are fine as far as they go, but they are easily covered under the “treat others the way you want to be treated” rule already.

And much of the rest of them are not something I can get behind. I will have the gods that suit me, thank you. And I am fine with others having other gods. I’m a tad confused about the bit on idols, but either way it seems like a detail, not something for the grand code of ethics.

The same applies to taking the Lord’s name in vain. I would not be very impressed with a god or any other authority who had such a fragile ego that it needs a special rule about something that might disrespect its name.

More than that though, the Ten Commandments leave out most of the things I would consider essential to a moral code. Nowhere in there is there anything about how we should live in a fragile world, how we should treat non-human life or the earth or our children or even how we should behave toward family or toward strangers.

A moral code should give us a grounding for what really matters in life.

One of the prominent moral codes in modern Paganism is the Nine Noble Virtues subscribed to by many Pagans following Northern European traditions. This comes a lot closer to what I am looking for and is something I am very tempted to put on my kitchen wall and teach to my children. More than anything in Christianity or Wicca it provides a moral compass that is more in-depth than the “treat others” rule.

The Nine Noble Virtues are:

Courage: That quality that allows a person to take action even when afraid.
Truth: That quality which defines a fact that can be established or agreed upon.
Honor: Earned respect, good reputation and moral character.
Fidelity: Loyalty and honesty to one’s partners, family, organizations, nation and so forth.
Discipline: The regulation of one’s momentary impulses in the service of a code of conduct or rules one has decided to abide by.
Hospitality: The quality of being kind and generous to guests and strangers, as well as giving required respect to hosts with reciprocity.
Self-Reliance: The quality of providing what one needs for life and happiness through one’s own labor.
Industriousness: The value of hard, detailed and careful work.
Perseverance: The continued actions of work, effort and struggle despite obstacles.

It’s a decent list. It is a bit heavy on the individualism and light on compassion, but depending on the interpretation, it can serve most issues between humans. However, if we don’t explicitly discuss how we must view the earth as our host under the laws of “hospitality” and emphasize the “truth” of ecological needs, it still doesn’t cover the greater part of our ethical responsibilities.

Furthermore, history indicates that the Nine Noble Virtues are a modern Neopagan construct, not an ancient code of ethics. Heathen gods do little to further these virtues in preserved lore. Worse yet, the author of today’s version of the Nine was John Yeowell, a British fascist and white supremacist in the 1970s.

Even if this particular code was perfect in itself, its origins would call its entire moral foundation into question.

Some Native American lists of values and virtues come closer to my ideal, including a lot more about our relationship to other living beings, the earth and future generations. Yet, these are generally so specifically grounded in Native American spiritual tradition that adopting them and publicly subscribing to them might well be called “cultural appropriation.”

The seven principles of Kwanza form an admirable moral code, even if like most European Pagan traditions, it is a modern construction. The principles are:

Umoja (oo-MOE-jah) - Unity - Joining together as a family, community and race
Kujichagulia (koo-jee-cha-goo-LEE-ah) - Self-determination - Responsibility for one's own future
Ujima (oo-JEE-mah) - Collective Work and Responsibility - Building the community together and solving any problems as a group
Ujamaa (oo-JAH-mah) - Cooperative Economics - The community building and profiting from its own businesses
Nia (nee-AH) - Purpose - The goal of working together to build community and further the African culture
Kuumba (koo-OOM-bah) - Creativity - Using new ideas to create a more beautiful and successful community
Imani (ee-MAH-nee) - Faith - Honoring African ancestors, traditions and leaders and celebrating past triumphs over adversity (Source)

Still it is too specific for general use and also the particular property of the African American culture that built it through immense struggle and effort. It is not for the whole world.

A code for practical, ethical guidance

I am pretty solid in myself, and for my own purposes, I can pick and choose among the moral codes on offer. I feel personally grounded and even though not every ethical question is simple, I am not paralyzed by difficult questions.

But it is harder with kids or anyone else who asks about my code of ethics, when I can’t point to a ready-made list.

I am now forty-four years old and I’ve been looking for such a code most of my life. It feels arrogant to even consider just crafting my own explicit code of ethics and putting it out there for others to try on for size.

On the other hand, I find that I haven’t been given a lot of choices. We all know what our current moral codes are lacking. It is time someone put out a new set of commandments.

Here is what I have so far. I have been influenced by Native American and Buddhist values and teachings as well as those of many ancient Pagan traditions, but I believe I have not been culturally appropriative here. This list is much more a matter of learning from the past to make an ethical code that can work for today and tomorrow than it is an attempt to call upon the authority of some older tradition.

Here is the list I have come up with:

Integrity - I act on my beliefs and behave according to the words I espouse, despite hardship, obstacles, pain or fear. I acknowledge those things which are objectively true and understand how perspective can change things. I am grounded in my inner truth and stand by it when needed.
Reciprocity - A balance of give and take is the foundation of life. The purpose of an apple is to be eaten in order to spread appleseed. Our purpose is to give gifts to life—to learn, to express, to create, to do those things only humans can do. Everything that has a spirit is alive. All that we use is a gift from some living being. All gifts and all lives require respect. Mindfulness of life and the gifts of life should inform our actions moment by moment.
Gratitude - We cannot help but consume life and the gifts of life to live. Gratitude is part of our reciprocity. Gratitude, especially in times of hardship and scarcity, keeps us on our path. Gratitude is our connection to the earth, the primal mother and original love.
Nurture - We are called by our bodies to perpetuate our species. As such, our actions must reflect our best understanding of what will benefit our descendants who will live after we die. It is also our purpose to nurture and defend other species in reciprocity. My own survival and health is necessary to this nurture and I must ensure my own vitality, that I may give nurture.
Solidarity - When I undergo hardship, I learn to aid others. I stand with those who share my struggles. In a cold and hungry winter, I may have solidarity with a mouse. I defend those who are vulnerable to exploitation, aggression and disrespect. I am willing to make sacrifices of my comfort, wealth or safety for those who stand together with me.
Empathy - I see the needs of others as equal to my own needs in importance. As I attempt to avoid pain and suffering for myself, I also avert the pain and suffering of others. When faced with conflict or choice, I consider all the needs I am aware of to take the best path forward. No one can be aware of all needs. We must listen to one another.
Interconnection - I recognize that my survival and the survival of my descendants depends upon every other part of the living world. All that have spirit influence one another. No action is without consequence and most consequences cannot be easily predicted. Yet it is my responsibility to learn and act in accordance with this understanding.
Justice -With power and abundance comes responsibility. A leader is one who goes first into danger and gives first to those in need. Leadership is earned by courage and solidarity. Each spirit must make decisions freely. The oppression of one by another is anathema to the natural world. We take the lives of plants and animals to eat with the knowledge that this incurs a debt of reciprocity. We may do violence in defense against unethical violence with the same understanding. There is a price and we will pay it.
Openness - While I know my own truth, my mind and heart remain open and curious. New ideas, skills, concepts and perspectives are welcome. While I hold solidarity with my own, the possibility that others may enter my circle remains open. My circle of belonging is ever widening.
Resilience - Survival is hard. Pursuing a goal is harder. Hard work, attention and mindfulness are necessary. Failure and suffering are inevitable. Some efforts should not be forcibly continued. However, the law of life is resilience. As long as life remains, the roots take hold and regrow. If the plant cannot live, it throws seeds that the future may be reborn.
Patience - Those needs which are important take time—time waiting, time growing and time healing. Patience is needed with those who are lost in anger, hatred, fear or shame. Understanding and enlightenment take time and experience. My growth is my own responsibility, The growth of others is theirs and it is not mine to judge.
Joy - The purpose of life is the experience of joy, the pure essence of passion. While joy may not always shine on me, the seed of joy is hidden in every moment. To make beauty in all work is in the service of joy. Joy in the presence and happiness of another is at the heart of love. Joy is our right and our duty on the earth.
Mystery - There are many things I do not know and may never know. Seeking deeper understanding and empathy is a never ending path. Some things may never be known fully. The workings of time and the universe are great mysteries to which we are given only partial keys. Curiosity is good as long as it is guided by joy, empathy and balance. Acceptance of mystery is a virtue.

These are my values put into thirteen key words. Thirteen is a nice mystical number. I’m glad it worked out that way. I like this list better than the Nine Noble Virtues or any other similar ethical code I have encountered. It is practical. It covers those things that need to be covered while remaining flexible enough to stand the test of time.

I hope this attempt to set down my code of ethics is helpful to you, my readers. I don’t wish to preach a rigid set of values that I want others to adhere to. It is mostly for my own benefit that I have put it down here. But if I find that it is helpful to readers, I may spend several further posts exploring each of these principles in depth.

There is something in Pagan cyberspace that has been niggling at me for awhile like one of those little parasitic worms that got under my kid’s skin a couple of summers ago after she went dipping in a scummy pond.

That is the fad of dissing hippies.

OK, I’m ready to duck already .But this has got to be said. Gerald Gardener may or may not have started a modern witchcraft tradition and a lot of other big names contributed to the nice wave of Pagan-friendly public sentiment and popular trendiness we now enjoy, but without the counterculture movement, the New Age, and yes, the hippies, we would not be experiencing a western world in which Pagan spirituality and culture are both widespread and generally well-accepted.

Without the cultural developments of these movements that are so widely ridiculed among Pagans, Wicca would most likely have remained a tiny fringe interest of a few wealthy eccentrics. Traditional witchcraft would have stayed where it was for centuries, losing ground and scrambling to preserve shreds of knowledge. And non-Hindu, non-indigenous Paganism would have remained in the history books.

Don’t get me wrong. I am as irritated by “fluffy bunny” New Age platitudes as any hard polytheist.. Yes, we intersect with the New Age sometimes and it can cause a bit of friction and some eye-rolling on both sides. But let’s face it. Other movements have impacts on the social environment we live in and even on us.

The New Age not only sheltered a lot of early Pagan, Wiccan and witchcraft books and tools in bookstores for several decades. It is only in the past twenty years that a meaningful line could be drawn between modern Paganism and the New Age.

I will grant that New Age spirituality has little directly in common with modern Paganism outside of a few visual trappings. But many people came to Paganism through contact with New Age authors, stores, publications and events.

Beyond the New Age movement, the wider counterculture of the 1960s and 1970s had an even deeper impact on society, opening up the possibility of acceptance and widespread information on small and growing spiritual movements of all kinds, including ours.

That brings me to my own background. My parents and most of the adults I grew up around were on the rural, financially poor fringes of both the counterculture and the New Age. They didn’t have the connections, wealth or geographic positioning to be part of early Wicca and other more recognized Neopagan groups. Instead they were what are today (usually disparagingly) called hippies.

Specifically, my father and mother arrived on a rocky piece of land in Northeastern Oregon shortly before I was born with little more than a broken down old truck to their name. There was a weathered one-room school house on the property, which they shared with another family—until it burned to the ground one November night, while they were out, due to a faulty DYI woodstove.

My folks were left in the snow with my two-year-old brother and my mom pregnant with me. My dad built our first house—often referred to as a “shack” by outsiders—around and over the old truck, which no longer ran. That’s where I grew up, learning to grow food, pay attention to natural cycles and call the quarters on important occasions.

We weren’t Pagan in the ways most widely recognized today, but we were in the ways that actually matter. And we were not alone.

As I traveled around the world as a journalist, I met countless adult children of the hippies—some better adjusted than others. Some adopted their parents’ values and some rejected them outright. But they all share a new kind of cultural assumption of fluidity and diversity—whether they like it or not—that has fostered the modern Pagan and witchcraft movements.

Why do I care if Pagans make fun of hippie names or other symbols? Can’t I just take a joke? Lighten up?

It bothers me. Maybe it is because it is part of my own roots. Maybe I’m not pure enough in my rejection of all things New Age. But there is something here Pagans should pay attention to. These too are our ancestors. They are the ones on whose shoulders we stand. Not all giants are ancient or even very tall. They sometimes just muddled through harsher times so that we can have what we have today.

Think on it the next time you laugh at a hippie name or a fluffy bunny chant.